CLARY ATE MY HAMSTER
Reporter: Peter Pempslider
The entertainment world was shocked last night by allegations made
against top TV star Julian “Sticky Moments” Clary. The allegations were made
by a local man, Mr Fred Thompson.
Thompson, a retired gasfitter from Coldstream, claims that Clary disguised
himself as a man from the local electricity company who had come to read the
meter and while he wasn’t looking Clary is alleged to have eaten George, Mr
Thompson’s pet hamster. Mr Thompson also went on to tell us that several of
his neighbours have had the same thing done to them. “Mrs Fanny Cruddock, from
across the road, lost her dog and rabbit in the same way. This time he pretended
to be a man from the council checking for dry-rot”.
Both Mr Thompson and Mrs Cruddock believe that Clary is doing the same
thing all over the country, and added “There could be lots of people who think
that their dog is missing, when in fact it has been eaten by Mr Clary. They
should be very careful about who they let into their houses in the future”.
We rang a leading Government minister to see what he was planning to do regarding these allegations, but the reply was “I’m sorry, but there are no Government ministers in the Wansbeck Fishing Club”. Meanwhile Mr Thompson and Mrs Cruddock are both so upset that they have had to undertake therapy at the Coldstream Hospital for Lunatics and will continue doing so pending psychiatric reports.
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