MICHAEL THE BAG SNATCHER

Reporter: Peter Pempslider

Former conservative party chairman Michael Heseltine attempted to snatch an old lady’s bag yesterday while out campaigning in New Hartley for his party.

  TOOK THE OLD BAG FROM BEHIND

This is the amazing claim being made by Fred Prodworthy, an amateur photographer from Stakeford in Northumberland. “As you can see quite clearly in the photographs Mr Heseltine crept up behind the woman slowly and proceeded to attempt to steal her bag. Fortunately her friend caught sight of his actions and grabbed hold of him just in time.

  HESELTINE IS ALL COCK AND BULL

Mr Prodworthy then continued to tell us that when Heseltine realised that the game was up he invented some “Cock and bull” story about thinking that it was his briefcase. “He said that he was very sorry and that it was just a mistake, but I could tell that he was lying”.

 

SECRETARY AND MICHAEL WONDERFUL ON THE TOILET

We tried to contact Mr Heseltine ourselves to get his side of the story but he was too busy on the toilet to speak to us, and his secretary told us, “Michael is a wonderful man. He would never take advantage of a woman, not like that Cecil Parkinson”.

 

SILLY 93 YEAR OLD STRIPPER IS BLIND AS A BAT

Meanwhile Fred Prodworthy, who is a 93 year old retired asbestos stripper for a local glue factory, did admit that he may have got the story wrong as he is hard of hearing and partially blind.